How to Get Your Baby Out of Your Bed: No Tears Required
Whether you plan to sleep with
your wee-one or not, chances are your kid has ended up in your bed at some
point. Studies show that 75% of expecting parents have absolutely zero
intention of sharing a bed with their baby. Only ten weeks post birth 76% of
all parents re-interviewed were doing so on a regular basis for several hours
each night!
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I would like to repeat -from the
last post- that co-sleeping can be very dangerous when done improperly. There
are weight limits, bedding and sobriety to consider. I'll try and write another
post on safe co-sleeping soon but for now, back to the point at hand.
ODDS ARE, YOUR BABY IS GOING TO
END UP IN YOUR BED AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME!
Whether you're into the whole
Attachment Parenting thing or not, all parents have one thing in common... at
some point, sooner or later we want out little heat-seekers out of our freakin'
beds.
I start this process with my
babies right around 18 months. By this time they understand that even though
I'm in another room, I still exist. The whole object-permanence thing is in
full swing.
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So here's how the Chase's do it (a
technique recommended by Dr. William Sears, ever-so-slightly modified by Desi
Chase):
STEP 1-Lay
in baby's bed with him/her. Ummm... hopefully it's not a crib. If it is please
send me a picture of you following step one. Oh, the mental picture is
glorious! Okay, stop distracting me. Stay in bed with baby until he is asleep,
then escape. When baby wakes up for a midnight cuddle grab your phone/alarm
clock and join them back in THEIR bed until one or both of you fall asleep. If
you hate this idea, put a blanket and pillow on the ground next to your bed and
let them crash there. Remember this a weaning process. Baby steps are still
progress.
STEP 2-
After about a week or so sit at the end of baby's bed until they fall asleep.
If they protest this change, so be it. You're still very close and they can
tough it out a bit. If they seem legitimately devastated then consider giving
it a bit more time. At this stage I recommend bringing a book and flash light
or a laptop or something to keep you from getting bored to tears. This is
actually a really great time to read, meditate or pray.
STEP 3- Once baby seems comfortable with that, move to the doorway or a chair in
baby's room.
STEP 4-
Move to the hallway so baby can only see part of you.
STEP 5-
Hang out in a near-by bedroom or meander around the doorway. If baby seems
uncomfortable or scared tell him you'll be back in a few minutes to check on
him and then go do a quick chore eat a brownie or whatever and then go check on
him... no empty promises. They'll only make baby more clingy.
STEP 6-
Enjoy your freedom. You did it and no one had to suffer! Hurray!
STEP 7-
Tailor it to you and your kid. This method is not a science or a perfect
formula. My daughter did not want to let us pass the "doorway step"
so once we got sick of sitting in the doorway we told her if she was scared SHE
could lay in the doorway and she did! She's 3 and has bad dreams from time to
time so we do the blanket/pillow thing next to our bed if she gets scared or
lonely.
Remember to be flexible, they're
only little for so long and will NOT want you at night forever. Excluding
illness, I can't even remember the last time our five year old woke us up in
the middle of the night or needed us to help him fall asleep. I believe that
since he was given so much reassurance as a tiny-tot, he has positive
associations with bed time and is secure in his little man-ness to handle night
time on his own... aka he is "securely attached" for you psychology
buffs.
It makes a lot of sense when you
think about it. We humans (young and old alike) resort to two dysfunctional
ways of relating when we feel insecure in a relationship. One, we get all needy
and clingy or two, we get all weird and stand off-ish. Healthy relationships
are built on trust, empathy and responsiveness. So why on earth would we ignore
our little ones night time cries?... not the best choice for grown-ups
relationships... not the best choice for babies. I'm just sayin'.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Desi_R_Chase
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